If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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