Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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