Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
