I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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