Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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