just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
