No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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