all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
