your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
