I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
