Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
