so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
