it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.