i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.