I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
