Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...