i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino