ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
