how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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