we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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