Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
