nut hugger
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
