Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
