If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
