your thong is hanging out like whoa
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
