I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
