So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
