Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
