I have demons in me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So. Much. Porn.
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