DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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