I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
