i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
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the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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