I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
