Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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