Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
