woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
