I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
