I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
