dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
