Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
