TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
