EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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