I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
