Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
