If that was your dad, he is hot
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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