I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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