1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
