Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
