I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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