One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
