i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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