Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
