I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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