we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
