i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
