i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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