I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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