can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
