dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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