Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
