it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We need to rekindle our bromance
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
