I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
