The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
