my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
