It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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