Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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