she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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