thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
