I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
