I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
